


Selfish

by SpiritsFlame



Series: With Benefits [1]
Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types, The Heroes of Olympus - Rick Riordan
Genre: M/M, Misunderstandings, boys are stupid
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-19
Updated: 2014-02-19
Packaged: 2018-01-13 01:28:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,514
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1207735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpiritsFlame/pseuds/SpiritsFlame
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Someday, Percy is going to stop being so selfish. He’ll be able to let Nico go, when Nico so clearly wants to be somewhere else. He’ll be able to stop wanting more out of their, well, whatever this is. He’ll be able to stop wanting Nico to stay. But not today.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Selfish

The light is on in the kitchen. 

The sight made Percy frown. He’d been good about leaving the lights off when he left the house, after the first electrical bill had cost twice as much as he’d expected. He hadn’t left the lights on in over a month. 

He feels around for Riptide in his pocket, wrapping his fingers around the pen and taking a careful step forward, closing the door behind him.

“Percy?” Nico sticks his head around the doorframe, and Percy relaxes. It’s not like Nico to be here without him, but it’s nothing to be afraid of. 

“This is unexpected,” he says, dropping his bag by the door. Nico tenses all over, and steps out into the hallway. 

“I can go-”

“No,” Percy says, too quickly. He coughs to cover it up. “I’m glad you’re here.” Too glad, he thinks, and bites his lip to stop the words from coming out. That’s not what this is. 

Nico is still tense though, so Percy strides forward to pull Nico against him. This, at least, he has a right to. “Really,” he says, and claims Nico’s mouth in a kiss. It takes Nico a moment to respond, and Percy wonders if this will be the time that Nico pulls back, when he says that he’s had enough and walks out of Percy’s life for good.

“I ordered take-out,” Nico says when he pulls back. Percy doesn’t let him go, keeps Nico tight against his body and wishes that it were as easy to keep Nico in his apartment, in his life. 

“Yeah?” 

“Chinese. I hope you don’t mind.” Nico pulls free, and Percy lets him go. 

“You know I don’t.” 

As he watches Nico move around the kitchen like he belongs there, Percy wonders if he’ll ever be able to stop being so selfish. It’s obvious that Nico doesn’t like to be here, that he’s as uncomfortable around Percy as he’s ever been, but Percy can’t bring himself to call this, this whatever it is, off. 

The take-out is a little on the cold and chewy side, but Percy eats it all. Nico takes a smaller portion and only eats half of it, but Percy pretends not to notice. He’s not Nico’s boyfriend, he doesn’t have a right to comment on it. 

He worries, sometimes, that Nico is only one wrong word away from walking out of his life forever, and Percy isn’t ready for that. 

“I thought you were in India this week.”

“I came home early.”

“Home?” Percy asks, heart in his throat. Nico gives him a look, dark under his eyelashes. 

“Here.”

“Right.” 

There aren’t any dishes, so they just throw the empty containers away. Percy tries to think of something to say and nothing comes to mind. 

“Can I use your shower?” Nico asks. “I came straight here.”

“Can I join you?” Percy waggles his eyebrows in a way that makes Nico duck his head to hide a grin.

Nico pretends to think it over, but Percy knows better. They don’t have much, the two of them, but they have sex. “Yeah, ok.”

Nico is neater about his things than Percy is, so when Percy starts taking off his clothes, leaving them in a wandering trail to the bathroom, Nico is still fully clothed. 

“You’re doing it wrong,” Percy teases, reaching for the button on Nico’s jeans.

Nico pulls Percy to him for a kiss rather than answer. Percy grins into Nico’s mouth and kisses back, fierce and desperate. It’s been almost a month this time, with only distant Iris messages to even let him know that Nico is alive. 

When he sucks Nico’s lower lip into his mouth, Nico gasps and presses closer, the fabric of his jeans rough against Percy’s bare skin. It should hurt, but the rough edges help to keep Percy grounded. Nico isn’t his to keep, his to claim. He’s just Nico’s bit of stress relief, and if Nico knew how much Percy wanted to take from him, he wouldn’t come back. 

Percy fumbles for knob on the shower to shut his brain up and the shock of water is somehow unexpected. He hadn’t realized they were so close to the water. He springs back, almost tripping on his discarded jeans. 

Nico doesn’t move, laughing at him from under the water that’s matting his hair down and making his thin shirt stick to his skin. 

“Are you laughing at me?” Percy says indignantly. 

Nico immediately tries to straighten his face out, but his lips keep twitching up and betraying him. “No.”

“You’ll pay for that, Di Angelo.” Percy growls, and drops to his knees. The walk-in shower was one of the few luxuries he’d permitted in his apartment, and he’s grateful for it now. There’s more than enough room for him to kneel as he reaches again for the fastening on Nico’s jeans. Nico is hard already, and Percy tugs his pants down carefully. When he chances a look up, Nico is watching him, eyes hot.

“Better hold on,” Percy says cheekily, and takes Nico into his mouth. He loves the noises Nico makes when he does this, the way he can almost feel Nico’s breath catching in his throat. The way Nico gasps when Percy sucks at the head, or the way Nico moans in short, sharp breaths when Percy begins to bob his head.

The water is still pounding above them, just a hair too cold, but Percy feels like he’s burning up from the sounds Nico’s making. He curls one hand on Nico’s hip to steady himself and uses the other to play with Nico’s balls.

“Percy,” Nico gasps, and he grips Percy’s shoulder tightly with one hand. Percy makes a strangled noise, he can’t help himself. The way Nico says his name, it’s almost too much. He tightens his grip on Nico’s hip slightly, tugs Nico forward a bit, trying to get him to move.

With a groan that sounds ripped out of him, Nico does, thrusting forward into Percy’s mouth, slow and careful at first.

Percy keeps up easily, sucking at him when he thrusts forward and licked filthily at the head when Nico pulls back. He loves it when Nico loses control a little. It validated their, well, their whatever-it-is. He loves the feel of Nico hitting in the back of his throat, the way his jaw will be aching tomorrow, a reminder for when Nico has had enough of him and leaves again. 

Nico is making little gasping moans that shoot straight to Percy’s dick, and he wants so badly to touch himself, but this isn’t about him. Instead, he uses the hand on Nico’s balls to make Nico even more desperate, rolling them carefully in his hands until Nico is shaking and cursing at him. When Nico’s other hand moves to Percy’s hair, gripping just shy of painful, Percy releases his balls and grins when Nico cries out. Nico’s next thrust is harder and Percy almost chokes on it before Nico pulls back again.

Percy slides his hand back, up to Nico’s hole. He lets his hand just rest there for a moment, pressing just on the rim.  
“Percy, please,” Nico gasps out, and he’s curled forward with pleasure, his body protecting Percy from the spray of the shower. Thr water isn’t enough if Percy wanted to fuck him, but it’s enough for this. When Nico thrusts desperately intp Percy’s mouth, Percy slides one finger into his, twisting it sharply.

Nico straightens up so fast his spine almost creaks, tossing his head back as he comes. Percy pulls back enough that he can swallow it, some of Nico’s come trickling down the side of his mouth. 

Then Nico’s legs give out and he slides down to the floor, the water hitting them both.

“Percy,” he gasps, staring at Percy like he’s never seen him before. Then Nico lunges forward to kiss him, slick and filthy, licking the come from the corner of Percy’s mouth.

Percy pulls back. “No, don’t, you’ll-” 

“Shut up,” Nico says, and kisses him again. Percy should stop him, but he’s too selfish. He kisses back and tries to keep it about passion and heat, when he wants to be tender. That’s not what Nico is here for. 

When Nico reaches for his cock, Percy nudges his hand away. “Not yet.” Nico gives him a confused look, and Percy stands instead of answer, pulling Nico up with him. “We never got you clean.”

The truth is that Nico leaves when they’re done. When they’ve both gotten off. Percy isn’t ready yet. Instead, he nudges Nico under the spray of the water, ignoring the way his cock throbs. 

Nico is tense again, like he always is when Percy tries to make it about anything other than sex. “Just relax,” Percy says, exasperated. He reaches for a bottle at random and squirts it into his hand. 

Nico’s look is suspicious, and Percy almost back out, but he stubbornly ignores Nico as he rubs his hands together to bring the soap to a lather. 

“Arms up,” he commands.

“You’re bossy.” Nico complains, but he raises his arm. 

“You’re filthy,” Percy replies, starting with Nico’s wrist and beginning to scrub Nico’ arm clean. 

Nico waits until Percy has made it over his shoulder and back down to his other arm before saying “You know that’s your shampoo, right?”

Percy curses and shoves Nico under the spray again as Nico laughs. 

“I can wash myself, you know.” Nico takes the bottle of soap from Percy before he can start again, and, well, Percy can take a hint as well as the next guy. 

He stands to the side instead, watching as Nico lathers up and rinses off in quick, mecahincal movements. It should be sexy, the way the soap runs off of Nico’s stomach, down his legs, but all Percy can think is that he could be doing a better job of getting Nico clean, could take his time and let Nico know how much- well. It’s not something Nico wants from him.

After they had defeated Gaia, Nico had disappeared for five years. None of them had heard from him, except a few skeleton crows with brief notes to let them know he was alive. 

When he’d come back, older, taller and just as quiet, Percy had been wary around him, fearful that any move could send him back out again. As it was, Nico hardly spent more than week with them in between his many trips.

“How was India?” Percy asks, taking the soap from Nico and washing himself off just as quickly.

Nico shrugs. “I got a manticore, amoung other things.

“Did you find the thing you were looking for.”

“Not this time. I’ll go back soon though.”

It’s on the tip of Percy’s tongue to ask to go with, but he bites it back. It’s pretty obvious that Nico is uncomfortable around him. To be honest, Percy isn’t even sure why Nico comes to him at all, except maybe that Percy is always willing. More than willing.

After Annabeth had left, Percy had thrown himself into training. Only Nico’s return had distracted him, and only because Nico was the only one other than Jason who was really strong enough to keep him on his toes. 

And this Nico, twenty and lean, was dangerously attractive, making Percy’s blood rush just to look at him. Their sparring had been heated and fierce, and Nico didn’t give a single inch without making Percy fight for it with everything he had. It had made Percy feel so alive, to fight with him.

It had felt even better to kiss him. 

And then Nico had left, another month and a half gone without a word. Percy had told himself he wouldn’t mention it again, because he’d gotten used to Nico being around, and he missed him with a fervour that surprised him.

But when Nico had come back, he’d challanged Percy to another fight, and when he had Percy pinned to the ground in defeat, he’d taken a kiss as his prize. 

Percy supposed he should be grateful that Nico didn’t to fight to want him anymore, but he didn’t feel grateful. He just wanted Nico to stay,or to take Percy with him. Or even for Nico to stop acting like he still hated Percy, like he had all those years ago.

“You still haven’t-” Nico steps closer, putting one hand on Percy’s hip, sliding his thigh between Percy’s legs. 

Percy is still hard from earlier, but he’s not ready yet. Instead, quick as he can, he grabs what he’s sure is the shampoo this time, and dumps a big squirt onto Nico’s head.

“What the hell?” Nico demands, taking a step back.

“Got you,” he laughs, when Nico splutters. Nico gives him a look that partly confusion and partly something that Percy can’t read. He turns Nico away from him so he won’t have to see it. 

“Don’t you want…” Nico trails off, as Percy faces Nico away from him.

“You still smell like the jungle,” Percy lies. “I can wait.”

Rather than let Nico reply, he slides his fingers into Nico’s wet hair and starts working the shampoo into a lather. Nico’s back is to him, so he can’t see Nico’s face, but even so it’s almost unbearably intimate. He steps closer, gently massaging Nico’s scalp until Nico hums in pleasure.

When Nico leans back against Percy’s chest, head angled forward so that Percy can still reach his hair, Percy feels like all the air is gone from the room. He can’t take this, this thing that’s almost what he wants but can’t have. 

It’s been over a year since they started sleeping together, but Percy’s known he loved Nico for at least six months. He sometimes wishes he still didn’t know, but that was another something selfish. Nico doesn’t want Percy’s love. Percy isn’t really sure what Nico wants from him.

“Rinse!” He says, too loudly, and pushes Nico under the spray of the water again. Nico stumbles and catches himself on the wall with both hands. For a moment, he just stands there, head between his outstretched arms. 

When he straightens, his face is that polite distant face that he’d perfected in the five years that he’d been gone, that Percy hated with a passion. 

Percy just watches as Nico rinses off, afraid to reach out, afraid to touch. When Nico turns off the water, Percy doesn’t stop him. 

Nico pads out of the bathroom, dripping and naked. “Well?” he turns to Percy at the bedroom door. “Aren’t you coming?”

Percy wonders what would happen if he said no. If he let Nico leave, to find someone that Nico could actually love. He’s not sure why Nico stays, when he’s so uncomfortable around Percy, when he seems to hate him so much. He should let Nico go.

“Of course I am,” Percy replies. If he plays his cards right, Nico might end up spending the night. 

Percy is too selfish to let him go.


End file.
